


A 501 Named Desire

by writworm42



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Romance, Toronto, Travel, i love my city and i love these queens, why not have both
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2019-12-30 11:10:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18314237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writworm42/pseuds/writworm42
Summary: Brooke takes Vanessa to Toronto for pride month. She's hoping that being back on her home turf will give her the courage to say what she's wanted to for months.





	1. Day 1: Welcome home

**Author's Note:**

> Title's a pun on "A streetcar named desire"; in Toronto, the 501 is a streetcar that goes up & down Queen Street (see what I did there lololol)
> 
> I'm from Toronto and I'm absolutely over the moon that our drag is getting rep on Drag Race, so of course I had to write a fic about my two fave queens in my city <3 
> 
> While the fic is inspired by two real people, my characterizations of them and the events in the fic are obviously fictional. All the places, cultural references, etc are real tho

“Wow, this place is _packed_.” Vanessa whistled as she and Brooke came up the stairs into the lights and bustle of Yonge/Dundas square.

“You should see it during the day.” Brooke smiled as she came up behind Vanessa, putting a hand on her shoulder. Vanessa looked absolutely mesmerized; her eyes flitted from a jumbo-screen to stores’ flashing signs, to all the way down Yonge where restaurant and theatre signs beckoned them to come and stay awhile. She broke out of her trance just long enough to cast a sheepish glance at Brooke.

“Lot of people shop here?”

“Yeah, but honestly, it’s overrated.” Brooke shrugged, suddenly self-conscious, but Vanessa didn’t seem to notice; she just kept looking around herself, eyes sparkling.

 “So where’s this Airbnb supposed to be?” they crossed the street, away from the lights, and started down Yonge street.

“Straight down, but it’s like a ten-minute walk.”

They walked mostly in silence, Vanessa still drinking it in, until they passed a brilliant, lit-up sign and a grand building with music pulsing from the inside.

That, and pictures of women posing in barely-there thongs, frill-decked tits, and close-ups of (mercifully clothed) pubic areas on display in the window.

 “Ha _ha!_ Y’all are _nasty_ in Toronto!” Vanessa hooted at the display of the Zanzibar, one of the most, well, _well-advertised_ strip clubs in the city. Brooke blushed. It was silly, really, to be this embarrassed—if she’d been here with any of her other friends, she probably would have laughed or made a joke. But this, being here with Vanjie now, walking through the streets and city she’d so desperately missed for the last four years… this was different. She needed Vanessa to see the Toronto she saw—the Toronto where she’d run and danced and loved and grown up, the Toronto she’d become Brooke Lynn Hytes in. The Toronto she left behind but always ached to come back to. She glanced at Vanessa’s face, relieved to see nothing but a smile and curious eyes flitting about to take the scene in.

She needed Vanessa to love this city.

To love this part of _her_.

When they finally walked up the steps to their place, Brooke was about ready to collapse. She sighed with incredible relief when they walked in and immediately crashed on the bed, not even caring to pull her suitcase away from the front door. She heard rustling, then a moment later, Vanessa crashed down onto the bed beside her.

“Hey, jush.” Vanessa’s eyes sparkled, her voice soft and breath warm against Brooke’s face.

“Hey.” Brooke leaned forward and kissed Vanessa’s cheek. She moved closer and nestled in Vanessa’s arms, her face up against Vanessa’s chest.

"We gonna go for dinner any time soon?"

Brooke whined in protest at Vanessa's suggestion. "Can't we just lie here?"

Vanessa leaned down and planted a kiss on Brooke's forehead, running her fingers gently through her hair.

"I can get into that."

Within minutes, the steady sound and pulsing vibration of Vanessa’s heartbeat had lulled Brooke to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I probably messed directions like up/down Yonge street up lol, I have a really bad sense of direction so I go by a stunningly inefficient combo of landmarking and muscle memory instead of actual directions. I'm sorry if my layout of the city is confusing and/or incorrect!
> 
> P.s. if there are any Torontonians out there who want me to include aspects of the city (place, event, culture, etc) or of Canadian culture in general in the next chapters, lmk in the comments!


	2. Day 2: Something About the Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brooke discovers that sometimes, a little rain on your parade is exactly what you need.

Brooke woke up the next morning to the chill of empty space beside her. Confused and groggy, she sat up and rubbed her eyes. Her heart lurched, however, when in the next moment, she realized that she was alone.

“Jo?” she called out, nervous for a reason she couldn’t quite determine.

As if on cue, the door swung open and Vanessa strode into the apartment carrying two red paper coffee cups.

“Mornin’, sleepin’ beauty!” Vanessa grinned as she handed Brooke one of the coffees. “Perfect timing.”

“Oh my God, you’re beautiful,” Brooke sighed, half in relief and half in gratefulness. “Is this Tim’s?”

“Yeah, since you couldn’t stop talkin’ about how much you missed it.” Vanessa shrugged. “I got it for you black like you like, but the lady at the counter told me everyone takes it two creams two sugars so I figured I gotta try it.”

“Your first double-double!” Brooke mused as Vanessa took a gulp, sniffing and smacking her lips in a mock sommelier critique. “Congratulations, you’re officially a Canadian stereotype.”

Vanessa flashed Brooke a goofy thumbs up and went to sit next to her on the bed. Brooke rested her head on Vanessa’s shoulder and breathed out contentedly. They stayed there for a few minutes, sipping their coffees and enjoying the warmth and weight of each other’s bodies, Brooke radiating contentment and hoping that the same vibe she was picking up from Vanessa wasn’t just wishful thinking on her part.

It was funny; back when they had first started dating, Brooke had never doubted herself like this. She had been the picture of confidence—walking up to Vanessa and hugging her from behind, slipping in a _hey Papi_ as she passed her in the work room, winking and flirting relentlessly. It was like she was bullet-proof, back then. But now, suddenly and inexplicably, she was acutely aware of all her weak spots, feeling naked and vulnerable and raw, like one wrong touch might break her into a million pieces.

Then again, she realized, this was Vanessa she was talking about. And Vanessa knew exactly how to handle her.

She jolted suddenly when Vanessa moved, sliding away from her and jerking her from her inner world. Vanessa must have seen something in Brooke’s face—what exactly, even she couldn’t tell—because she grabbed Brooke around the shoulder, pulling her close again.

“So what are we gonna do today?” Vanessa’s voice was soft. She ran light, soothing fingers through Brooke’s hair.

“Well, for starters, I thought we’d go for brunch in the village and look around there after, then we could go grocery shopping for the rest of the week.” Brooke melted into Vanessa’s touch, praying to God that the moment would never end.

“Mm, you sure? Looks like it’s gonna rain.” Vanessa looked beyond Brooke, through the window that looked over the city’s skyline.

Just like that, the romantic mood dissipated.

“Oh, fuck. We might have to TTC it.” Brooke moaned, burrowing her face in Vanessa’s shoulder. “ _Gross._ ”

Vanessa laughed. “Oh, come on now, don’t be dramatic. The subway ain’t that bad!”

Brooke looked up and pulled away with an exasperated look, stunned that Vanessa didn’t seem to understand the gravity of the situation. “Trust me, sweetie, it really is.”

“Well, I have an umbrella in my bag.” Vanessa shrugged, a shadow of a smile still dancing across her face. Brooke looked where their suitcases were still parked near the door, frowning at the sight of her own luggage looking comically gigantic next to Vanessa’s carry-on bag.

“Honestly, I still don’t understand how you managed to fit everything in there.”

“KonMari, bitch! I told you, that shit is life-changing!”

 

Lucky for them, despite the gray, yet still somehow bright sky and the heavy humidity in the June air, it hadn’t started raining when they finally got out of their apartment and started walking down towards the village. They were hand-in-hand, and even though the sensation of Vanessa’s surprisingly soft hands heavy in Brooke’s own calloused ones was nothing new to her, there was something about walking through Toronto holding Vanessa’s hand that made the gesture a little more magical than usual.

And was it just her, or was Vanessa squeezing her hand a little harder than she usually did?

Before long, the hard cement roads gave way to rainbow-painted crosswalks, and the bright blue signs announcing Yonge, Jarvis, and other streets gave way to white signs with rainbow details announcing their arrival at the corner of Church and Wellesley. The whole village was decked out for Pride month; rainbow flags hung from balconies, Toronto Pride banners emblazoned with the flower-like logo jutted from streetlights, and a growing number of trans pride flags stuck to newly-shined storefront windows. The AIDS memorial mural at the corner seemed like it had recently been touched up; the painting on the side of the 519 community centre shone and looked down on them, welcoming them home.

Brooke was delighted at how amazed and happy Vanessa seemed as she looked around at all of the bright colours and locals bustling about. Vanessa tore her eyes away from her surroundings just long enough to smile widely at Brooke, the joy in her eyes overflowing.

Brooke held her breath, her own heart swelling.

She couldn’t believe how lucky she was, getting to share this with someone so enthusiastic. So absolutely amazing.

“We’re here.” Brooke returned the smile just in time for them to stop in front of a square storefront with a pink awning reading GLAD DAY.

“We’re gonna eat in a bookstore?” Vanessa frowned with confusion at the rows of bookshelves adorning the walls as she walked through the plexiglass doors ahead of Brooke.

“Nope. Look there,” Brooke pointed to the right side of the room, where a bar and several tables were neatly arranged, a few mostly older locals milling about and sipping coffee while chatting with the day staff. “Glad Day’s not just a book store; it’s also a café and a bar. There’s community events pretty much every night here, too.”

“No shit? That’s amazing.” Vanessa whistled as they walked up to the bar. They ordered coffee, eggs, and a few vegan donuts, then sat right up against the window to eat and chat, staring right back at the people who stopped to look in and watch the goings-on through the glass every few minutes. Or, at least, Brooke did—whenever she looked away, she could almost swear she felt Vanessa’s eyes lingering on her, snapping to the window just in time whenever Brooke tried to look back and catch her in the act. At some point, it started to rain, and they watched the fat raindrops fall rhythmically from their cozy place indoors, plates and cups empty but neither feeling any particular rush.

They were just about to get going when the steady downpour became a thick sheet of torrential rain.

“Well, guess we’re staying.” Vanessa rumbled quietly, though Brooke could tell from the twinkle in her eyes and the shadow of a smile on her face that she probably didn’t mind.

She shrugged. “Want to look at the books?”

Vanessa nodded and headed off to the shelves, quickly disappearing from view. Brooke found Vanessa a few moments later staring intently at a shelf full of poetry books, her eyes scouring every title. Brooke chuckled inwardly, a sudden feeling of warmth and affection spreading through her body. This Vanessa, the poetry-loving, quiet, thoughtful Vanessa who was taking out volumes, reading poem snippets and turning them over in her mind with a critical face, was a Vanessa that often only she got to see. This Vanessa, the thoughtful, passionate Vanessa that passed her the same snippets and watched for her reaction with an expectant face, was _her_ Vanessa. The Vanessa she loved.

A pang of something—doubt, epiphany, fear, she wasn’t sure—kicked Brooke in the chest. What she was sure of was that she wanted to kiss Vanessa right then and there.

So she did, wrapping her arms around her waist and planting a long, tender kiss on her cheek. Without missing a beat, Vanessa turned, pulled Brooke close, and returned the gesture with a firm kiss on her lips.

“Why don’t we sit down a bit?” Vanessa was breathless, her voice soft, when they pulled away, their foreheads still touching lightly. “Grab a book, read a little, maybe get another coffee?”

Brooke smiled and grabbed one of the poetry volumes that she’d noticed Vanessa was particularly fascinated by off the shelf.

“Great idea,” she murmured softly. The smaller queen let out a soft _oh_ of surprise when Brooke grabbed her by the hand and pulled her down with her, both of them sitting down against the stacks, leaning into each other and giggling as they opened the book and began flipping through it.

“I probably tell you this way too much, but I like your style, mama.” Vanessa laughed, a glint of admiration in her eye.

Brooke didn’t need to respond; she only gave Vanessa a peck on the cheek before the two of them settled down to bask in the poems together as the rain continued to beat down heavily outside.

What a coincidence that the book they happened to pick was about love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was a little longer and a little more feels-y lol, but I really loved writing it. More characters to be introduced in the next couple of chapters; not gonna spoil anything, but I really think it's time we met some of Brooke's Canadian drag family... ;) 
> 
> Glad Day is the oldest LGBT bookstore in the world, an all-ages hub for queer culture in Toronto, and also prob my fave place to go in the village. If y'all are ever visiting/haven't gone yet, you definitely should!
> 
> Hope y'all enjoyed! :)


	3. Day 3, part 1: Carry More than just my Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa and Brooke perform together at the bar Brooke Lynn Hytes was born in, and Brooke regrets all the things she can't seem to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title taken from Perfect by Ed Sheeran
> 
> I split this chapter into two parts bc it would have been hella long otherwise. Don't worry though--I won't leave y'all hanging for long w the second part ;P

By the next morning, no one would ever have guessed that there had been a torrential downpour less than twenty-four hours ago. Vanessa and Brooke walked down the dusty roads of Kensington Market bright and early that morning, the sun glaring off of metal clothes-rack frames that displayed handmade scarves and vintage dresses in front of tenaciously standing, if not a little beat-up stores painted in reds, yellows, whites and, sometimes, multi-coloured shades of graffiti that ranged from the psychedelic to the revolutionary. It was a shame they were so early, Brooke reflected; she would have loved to take Vanessa into some of the stores, show her the places that dressed Brooke Lynn Hytes when she was just starting out, point out the vinyl racks where she used to collect discs to practice lip-syncing to at home. But, unfortunately, they’d come for one reason, and one reason only: to buy some groceries.

“This is one cool neighbourhood,” Vanessa spoke her amazement out loud as they rounded the corner to the first of their destinations, an on-the-corner produce mart with plump red tomatoes on display in the street and still-green mangoes hanging in bunches from the posts holding up the whole structure.

“Right? And everything’s pretty cheap here, too.” Brooke picked up some of the tomatoes, then led Vanessa further into the stand to grab some more fruits and vegetables. “I used to live around here for a while, actually. Back when I was like nineteen.”

“Oh, so you know all the spots,” Vanessa grinned as they walked away from the produce stand and towards a different cluster of shops.

Brooke shrugged. “It’s changed a lot since I lived here, but I guess, yeah.”

“Was it just as pretty?” Vanessa’s voice changed, a husky, teasing whisper that hinted that she wasn’t just talking about Kensington Market. Brooke rolled her eyes, and Vanessa laughed.

“It’s weird to think that I’m walkin’ the same streets as baby Brock did.” Vanessa squeezed Brooke’s hand, smiling to herself. “It’s like seeing a whole part of you I didn’t before.”

Brooke’s heart sped up a little. “And how do you like this part?”

Vanessa turned to look up at Brooke, her eyes sparkling, smile radiant and warm.

“It’s beautiful.”

 

“How many of those have you had?” Brooke walked into the green room to find Vanessa casually sipping on a can of sugar-free red bull in front of her mirror, eyebrows half-concealed.

“Mind ya business, that’s how many.” Vanessa muttered under her breath. She picked up her sponge and began powdering her brow, the orange colour corrector underneath gradually blending into a smooth beige colour.

Brooke rolled her eyes. “You’re gonna give yourself a heart attack one of these days, babe.” She plopped down on the chair next to Vanessa and planted a kiss on her cheek before turning to her own station and beginning to spread out her own supplies.

When Brooke had suggested that Vanessa come with her for a fundraiser for Casey House, a hospital in the city specifically for people with HIV and AIDS, she never imagined that it would rocket the event to the highest-profile, most-anticipated night of the month. At $30 a pop, the meet & greet tickets alone weren’t cheap. But the fact that every penny was going to a good cause, plus the pay-what-you-can price of the general show’s admission, seemed to be well worth it for the fans; according to the event organizers, they’d raised $4500 on the meet-and-greet tickets alone. It was funny—thirteen years ago, she was sitting in the same spot, waiting to get onto the same stage. She’d been so much shoddier back then, her looks shake-&-go and her choreography incredibly derivative. She would never have guessed that she’d one day return to the Crews & Tangos stage a superstar, one-half of what everyone was calling the drag power-couple of the century. But here she was, sitting next to Vanessa, getting ready to come full-circle with her. It was all enough to make her stomach swim and her heart swell with equal parts nerves and happiness.

“So, is that where you used to sit when you performed here?” Vanessa took another sip of her red bull before offering the can to Brooke

“Actually, no. You’re sitting in my old spot.” despite herself, Brooke took the can and drank a little, the taste of the straw tainted with smudges of stray foundation and loose powder that mixed faintly with the fizzy tang of the liquid flowing through it. 

Vanessa smiled. “It’s a good spot. Lots of good light, comfortable, central to the action… You musta had to fight for it, girl.”

Brooke was about to respond when the door swung open loudly. Brooke and Vanessa both turned to see a tall, stocky queen burst through.

“Well, look what the cat dragged in!” Farrah N Hyte posed in the doorway with her hands on her hips, a huge grin spread across her already-painted face.

“Mama!” Brooke sprang up to run and give Farrah a long, tight hug. “It’s so nice to see you, I missed it here so much.”

“We missed you, hon! Nice to see you still remember us common folk from back home.” Farrah locked eyes with Vanessa as she spoke, a coy smile on her face.

“Oh!” Brooke turned to look at Vanessa, fully intending to introduce him, but suddenly, the words caught in her throat. “This is my—uh… This is…”

 _Why can’t I get it out?_ Brooke’s heart pounded. She looked from Vanessa to Farrah and felt her throat tighten.

“This is Vanessa Vanjie Mateo,” she finally settled on, regretting the words she didn’t say immediately.

“My friends call me Jose.” Vanessa gave Farrah a polite smile and stood up to shake her hand, but the hurt in her eyes was unmistakeable. Brooke felt something in her deflate a little. She almost wanted to apologize right then and there, wanted to correct herself, wanted to shout out, _also I totally forgot, he’s my boyfriend!_

But before she could, the door opened again, and a gaggle of queens came running in to greet her. Somewhere in the hubbub, Vanessa appeared beside her, introducing herself amongst the Canadian queens without even waiting for Brooke.

“Hi, I’m Jose, I’m Brooke’s boyfriend.”

Was it just Brooke, or did the phrase come with a pointed look?

“Oooh, boyfriend!” Juice Boxx, a queen dressed in a blonde wig and brilliant blue eye contacts whose face was already beat with glittery, almost iridescent highlight and a dusting of freckles, squealed, casting an impressed look to Brooke. “So Branjie _is_ real! Girl, how come you never told us?”

Brooke couldn’t miss it this time—Vanessa’s smile faltered, and for a moment, she looked stricken by the remark. Her eyes flitted over to Brooke for just a split second, her eyes wide with hurt.

“I have to use the restroom.”

Brooke wanted to follow her, but a gentle hand on her shoulder stopped her from rushing out of the room and blurting out the apologies that were already on the tip of her tongue. She turned to look at Farrah, who just shook her head.

“I have to get ready, guys.” Brooke excused herself to the other queens, who all shrugged and began filtering out, clearly all having clocked the sudden change in the room’s vibe. Farrah and Brooke watched them go for a minute, sitting in silence, before Farrah finally spoke, voice gentle and kind.

“So, are you gonna tell him?” Brooke’s face must have looked shocked, because Farrah rolled her eyes. “A mother always knows, darling.”

Brooke didn’t respond, only sat back down and started on her make-up.

“Don’t play aloof with me, Brock. You love him. And you need to tell him, ‘cause from what I just saw, he’s not gonna believe you any more if you leave it much longer.”

Brooke’s hand faltered, her eyeliner squiggling. She muttered a curse word under her breath. Sighing she turned back to Farrah, nodding somberly.

“I know.”

Vanessa came back in a few minutes later, sitting down wordlessly to finish her makeup without even looking over at Brooke.

“Jo, I’m—”

“Oh baby, don’t even worry about it. It’s good.” Vanessa waved away the apology, forcing a smile. Brooke didn’t bother pushing it, as much as she wanted to; she knew Vanessa well enough by now to know that when Vanessa didn’t want to talk about something, it was better to leave the subject alone.

They finished putting their make-up on in silence, and it only occurred to Brooke right after she put her setting spray down that Farrah had mysteriously disappeared.

The rest of the night went predictably; Brooke and Vanessa posed with their lips on each others’ cheeks while fans snapped pics, they shook hands with countless kids, some in drag and some blushing as they confessed their aspirations to try it, they cracked jokes and accepted hand-made gifts with genuine affection. But Brooke could tell something was off, even if the fans seemed too excited at the pure prospect of having the two of them in the same room to notice. They were off their usual sync; Vanessa’s lips lingered for a shorter time than usual on Brooke’s cheek, Brooke accidentally cut her off when she was speaking. Worst of all, the air between them had gone from energizing to suffocating, making Brooke feel nauseous.

But the final straw that told Brooke she wasn’t just imagining it was their lip-sync performance. They had planned a stunning number to Beyonce & Ed Sheeran’s duet of “Perfect”. There were lifts, turns, and drops, the choreography sweet and sentimental, Vanessa and Brooke’s bodies entwined and moving together like streams flowing into the same river. Or, at least, that was the way it was supposed to go. In actuality, it was probably the worst performance Brooke or Vanessa had ever given. Their steps lagged a few counts behind each other’s, and Brooke nearly dropped Vanessa on one of the lifts. Then there was the end—the plan was to kiss, plain and simple. But as Vanessa and Brooke neared each other on the finally eight counts, locking hands, there was a sudden snap in the barely-held-together mood; each remembered where they were, and they stood there, letting the music end with them still holding hands, eyes locked together. The crowd went wild, but to Brooke, the cheers might as well have been happening underwater. Everything in that moment was Vanessa—the sound of her heavy breath in sync with Brooke’s own, the smell of her sweat, and the one feature Brooke couldn’t help but focus on: the hurt in her eyes.

Vanessa may have been the first to leave the stage, but Brooke barely let her get away, her hand extending desperately to try to catch even a sliver of Vanessa’s dress as they both ran towards the green-room, leaving Farrah to pick up the emcee slack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if Brooke and Juice Boxx actually know each other but Juice Boxx is one of my fave Toronto queens so I had to write her in. Check her out on IG!!
> 
> P.s. now that I've given up on Lent, you can find/follow me on tumblr @momsthetic! :)
> 
> ALSO OMG TOTALLY FORGOT: Casey House is VERY worthy of your donations and does great work providing healthcare & advocacy for the poz community in TO! You can check out what they do and donate (if you're so inclined) here: https://www.caseyhouse.com


	4. Day 3, Part 2: Midnight (The Fairy Tale Ends)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's a piece of Garbage procrastinating by writing yet another chapter? I just had to get all of this stuff out and off my mind asap lol, so here y'all go! 
> 
> TW: TRANSPHOBIC SLUR (occurs once in chapter), SEXUAL HARASSMENT/ASSAULT (i.e., crotch-grabbing, not anything explicit). I'll tl;dr a summary in the endnotes of the chapter for those who want to skip it nonetheless.
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy!

“Jose, I—”

Vanessa turned on her heels sharply to face Brooke and put up a small hand to quiet her.

“I don’t understand you, Brock.” Vanessa’s voice quivered as she spoke, but her gaze was as confident as ever, boring into Brooke with a bravado-filled challenge locked like a mask in front of the hurt that she couldn’t quite conceal. “This whole trip… When we’re together, you’re so romantic. You’re attentive, affectionate… Hell, you was holding back _something_ , I could feel it, but I thought it was—” she frowned, reconsidering her words, “Never mind. God, never mind. Fuck.” she exhaled shakily, and suddenly the harshness dropped from her gaze, her eyes sliding away from Brooke’s and filling with shadows of hurt and confusion.

“I just… When we’re together you make me feel so confident in us. I feel like we’re on top of the world when I’m alone with you. But when it matters—How does your own _drag mom_ not know we’re together?”

Brooke felt her chest go tight. Vanessa was right; she _had_ been holding something back, something she’d wanted to tell Vanessa for months. And even though right now, she wanted to cut Vanessa off, wanted to spill it right then and there, wanted to grab her and kiss her and stop the whole argument, she knew that it wasn’t that simple.

God, how had she fucked up this badly?

“It’s just that—” Brooke began to try to explain, but Vanessa wasn’t finished.

“No, Brock. No excuses. When we’re alone, you got no trouble saying _my boyfriend’s so cute, my boyfriend’s amazing, I have the best partner_ , all of that, but put three Toronto queens in the room with us and all of a sudden you’re all tongue-tied?” She shook her head. “What’s going on here? Are you ashamed of me or somethin’?”

Brooke’s heart stopped. She felt like all of the air had been kicked out of her. “Baby, listen, it’s not that. You _are_ my boyfriend, and I’m so proud of that—”

“Then why can’t you even _say_ it?” Vanessa shouted.

But before Brooke could answer, the door swung open again. She was just about to turn to ask whatever queen was entering to give them a minute, but froze when she saw that the person lumbering into the room wasn’t a queen at all.

In fact, it was a very big, very drunk man leering at them.

“You trannies done arguin’?” he sneered, a slow, predatory smile spreading across his face.

“Sir, you need to leave.” Vanessa, closest to the door, turned to face him immediately, voice hard and nostrils flaring.

“I ain’ leavin’.” The man only chuckled, swaying a bit. Brooke walked over to join Vanessa, her arms folded across her chest. She knew Vanessa wasn’t that scared, and frankly, neither was she, not yet; as rattled as they both were from the argument, they had each faced worse harassment. And as small as Vanessa was, Brooke knew she could handle herself.

But then the man lurched forward, the stench of alcohol hot and sharp on his breath as he leaned into Vanessa, grabbing her by the shoulders, and whispered, “Tell me, baby, does the carpet match those wigs a’yours?” before Brooke or Vanessa could even process what was happening, the man’s hands dropped from Vanessa’s shoulders, one of them planting itself firmly in-between Vanessa’s legs.

Vanessa could handle herself; Brooke had seen her do it before. Vanessa could pick herself up, push the creep off, and punch him hard in the face. Only before, Vanessa didn’t seem as taken off guard. Before, Vanessa’s breath didn’t stop in panic, and she wouldn’t have stayed rooted to the spot, unable to do anything but stare at Brooke, her eyes widening in shock, terrified face wordlessly begging for help. Before, time itself didn’t seem to freeze.

Before, Brooke wouldn’t have even thought of stepping in for Vanessa—because even though she knew that Vanessa could handle herself, suddenly she didn’t want Vanessa to _have_ to. Propelled by pure rage, the room spinning, Brooke threw herself forward, knocking the guy on his ass before even she knew what she was doing.

“GET THE _FUCK_ AWAY FROM MY BOYFRIEND!”

The next part happened just as fast—queens crashed through the doors and saw the scene, saw Vanessa latching onto Brooke, tears welling in her eyes. Brooke’s heart was still pounding, her ears ringing with adrenaline. One of the queens called for a bouncer while the others screamed at the man, who was struggling to get himself up, cursing Brooke out and spitting blood. Brooke was suddenly acutely aware of the girl in her arms, of the warm wetness of Vanessa’s tears against her shoulder, of the pressure with which she was squeezing her back, rocking her slightly on her feet. She heard herself whisper reassurance to Vanessa, felt herself plant a comforting kiss on the top of her boyfriend’s head.

“This guy attacked my boyfriend.” she heard herself explain to the bouncer as he dragged the creep up and out of the room.

She heard Vanessa refuse the idea of pressing charges. She felt herself sit the both of them down on the green room’s couch, felt herself ease Vanessa’s head onto her lap, felt herself remove Vanessa’s wig and cap and run her fingers through Vanessa’s hair.

But it wasn’t until they were in the Uber home, her hand still squeezing Vanessa’s, that she really came to, that it all finally hit her.

“You sure you’re okay, babe?” she whispered.

Vanessa grunted in response and leaned into Brooke’s body, burrowing her face into her shoulder and letting out a deep sigh.

Pulling Vanessa close as the Uber pulled up to their building, Brooke led her out of the car and up the stairs, still holding her tight when the two collapsed into bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tl;dr: Vanessa and Brooke argue, Vanessa questions why Brooke can't call her her boyfriend in front of people. A drunk guy comes in, calls the queens a transphobic slur, and puts his hands on Vanessa. Brooke hulks out to protect her and winds up calling her her boyfriend. Brooke comforts Vanessa.
> 
> Next chapter will be a little less intense, but keep up the feels and bring a little more resolution to the angst, plus have a bit of fluff thrown in for good measure... At this point I think we're looking at 7 chapters total but I'm not going to update the chapter count yet just in case.


	5. Day 4: About Last Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa and Brooke debrief after the events of last night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know these updates are coming super fast lol but once I started writing this chapter I just couldn't stop! Hope you guys enjoy, and that this chapter makes up for all I put y'all through in the last two XD

“Isn’t seven-thirty a little early for that?” Brooke turned through a fog of her own smoke at the sound of Vanessa’s voice to see the small queen sliding open the door to their balcony, her pajamas rumpled and eyes still groggy with sleep despite the frown on her face.

Brooke shrugged. “We all have our vices.” she took another drag of her cigarette and raised an eyebrow at the open can of red bull Vanessa was clutching in one hand. Vanessa snorted and joined Brooke against the railing of the balcony, both of them looking out at the pale-blue skyline in silence for a moment, the unspoken obvious hanging heavy in the air between them. Vanessa was the first to break the silence.

“So… are we gonna talk about last night, or…?”

Brooke took another drag and nodded. “Yeah, I think we should.” She glanced over to Vanessa, who chewed her lip hesitantly, wearing the expression of someone who was lost for words but brimming with things to say at the same time.

“The first time you call me your boyfriend to someone else in public, and it’s to a creeper in a bar.” Vanessa finally found her words, shaking her head in disbelief. “I mean, I’m happy you finally did and all, I guess, but…”

“It’s not exactly the most romantic timing.” Brooke finished Vanessa’s sentence quietly. She reached back to the small ashtray-table behind them and put out her cigarette.

“Why’d it take all that just to get you to say it?” Vanessa’s voice was soft, but it broke Brooke’s heart to hear the hesitancy and hurt underneath her words.

 “You know, you’re the first boyfriend I’ve ever had.” Brooke couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle under her breath. She couldn’t believe she was telling Vanessa this—frankly, she was embarrassed to be in the situation at all. Here she was, five years her boyfriend’s senior, laying out the truth that she was infinitely more inexperienced. Sure, she’d had flings before—one-night stands while on tour with the Trockaderos, flirtations with guys at the bar to earn a few extra tips, even a kiss or two shared with another boy in her ballet classes when she was a teenager. But she had always been so focused on her career that she’d never let someone in all the way. Show business was dangerous business, in a way; you got distracted for a second, knocked off your game at all, and that was the end of your talent. Get too close to anyone, and the rumour mill could mark you for the rest of your career. Skip out on a tour date to spend time with someone, and you wouldn’t be able to pay that month’s rent.

Leave that someone at home, and never see them again. Never see them again, and know that all you’d left behind was a broken heart.

It was much, much easier to just stay unattached.

Yet still, Vanessa, open, feeling, expressive Vanessa, seemed not to grasp that reality. Or at least, what Brooke thought was reality. “Your first…” Vanessa stared at Brooke in disbelief, the impact of the words hitting her.

“Yeah. I don’t know, it’s just… It’s hard for me to let people in like this. And then you come along, and…” she swallowed hard, the taste of tobacco and lingering smoke burning her throat, “You’re a fucking dream come true. It’s more than I deserve, honestly. And I guess the idea of saying it to someone else made it too real. Like I’d wake myself up, and then you’d just… You’d just be gone, and I’d be alone.” she hated herself in that moment, hated every word coming out of her mouth, hated how pathetic she sounded telling the truth. Most of all, she hated that somehow, at some point, she’d started to cry.

“Oh, baby, come here.” Vanessa wrapped Brooke in a tight hug, her voice soothing and quiet as she shushed Brooke, rubbing her back gently. “Listen, I’m not going anywhere. Promise.”

“But how do I know that for sure?” Brooke cursed herself inwardly, furious that she still couldn’t stop crying.

“’Cause everything you just said ‘bout me, I feel about you.” Vanessa leaned back, putting just enough distance between the two of them for Brooke to see her face. "Just trust me, okay?"

God, that face. Vanessa’s smile was radiant, perfect teeth gleaming white in the early-morning. And those eyes—were they always that warm, that admiring, or was that a look reserved just for Brooke? Either way, Brooke couldn’t help but feel calm looking at her.

All this, all of Vanessa, was hers. The joy of it rose in her chest, and the words that she’d wanted to say to Vanessa since before they came to Toronto bubbled in her throat, pressing at her lips and begging to be let out. But she caught herself at the last moment and clamped her jaw down firmly against the words. Instead, she returned Vanessa’s affectionate smile and nodded, still sniffling a little.

“By the way,” she wiped her eyes, leftover traces of mascara from yesterday leaving black trails on the sides of her fingers, “Yesterday, when you said you thought I was holding something back—What did you think it was?”

There was a beat, and then the air changed between them, suddenly tense and heavy again. Brooke let go of Vanessa and cast her an anxious look, hoping with all her might she hadn’t broken the moment.

But then Vanessa smiled again, and the air seemed to clear. She reached up and wiped one last mascara smudge off Brooke’s cheek.

“Nah, baby, it’s not the right time.” And even though those words, spoken by anyone else, would have sent Brooke into a panic, wondering what kind of bad news was behind them, somehow, looking at Vanessa’s face, she felt reassured.

Maybe Vanessa was right—it wasn’t the right time, not for Brooke to say all the things she wanted to.

But God be damned if she wasn’t going to do everything she could to find it.

Vanessa drained the last of her red bull and the two of them wandered back inside.

“I just hope everything didn’t ruin Toronto for you.” Brooke sighed.

“You kidding?” Vanessa whooped, back to her usual self, “Girl, ain’t no creeper can ruin this city for me. It’s amazing!”

 “I’m glad.” Brooke relaxed a little, finally feeling like the ground between them was becoming steady again. Turning to grab some milk from the fridge, she asked, “So what do you want to do today?”

“I dunno. Surprise me. Show me somethin’ most people ain’t seen.”

Brooke considered for a moment, then nodded. “Well, Toronto’s more than just downtown, you know. I could take you uptown if you want? There’s this great bakery in a neighbourhood called Leaside, legitimately _the_ best almond croissants I’ve ever had. It’s about forty-five minutes away by TTC though,” she added hesitantly.

“Sounds good to me.” Vanessa shrugged. With a mischievous grin, she added, “Now I can finally see why you keep complaining all the time about the subway.”

Brooke rolled her eyes and gave a harsh laugh. “Go get dressed, I’ll make us some breakfast before we head out. Trust me, we’re gonna need the sustenance.”

“Dramatic bitch.” Vanessa chuckled to herself, shaking her head and smiling as she walked towards the bathroom door. “Imma jump in the shower in a few seconds, your ass better join me before you start making toast or some shit!”

Laughing one last time, Brooke put down the bread she’d grabbed and followed Vanessa out of the kitchen.

Right in that moment, she’d decided: today, her main mission was going to be figuring out the best way to surprise Vanessa with a confession she knew would leave the confident queen absolutely speechless. Casting one last look out to the skyline before she closed the bathroom door, she smiled to herself, feeling the wheels beginning to turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brooke's confession inspired by the Shot with Soju interview from 2017 (aka before she met Vanessa, hmmm lol)
> 
> The patisserie I mention in this chapter is called Patisserie La Cigogne, and I wasn't kidding--legitimately the best almond croissants in the city. The neighbourhood, Leaside, is also one of my faves to hang around in, cause it's really pretty and has lots of little shops! :)


	6. Day 5: Sweet (A little selfish)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brooke takes Vanessa on the perfect day, expecting to surprise her with a confession. Meanwhile, it seems that Vanessa has a surprise of her own for Brooke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title taken from Honey by Kehlani.

“Oh my God.” Vanessa stopped dead in her tracks as she walked through the entrance of the Wintergarden Theatre, causing Brooke to almost crash into her as she came up from behind. Chuckling, she grabbed a speechless Vanessa and dragged her down the aisle to their seats, her head still facing up and mouth open in awe as she looked up at the ceiling and walls of the room.

The Wintergarden Theatre was no less than spectacular. Walking in was like entering another world; the ceiling was made completely of thick, green leaves, their twists and turns illuminated by the warm, yellow glow of hundreds of lanterns that emerged from their bunches. The theatre itself was three levels of green seats, stretched out in circles ahead of balcony edges that resembled backyard gates, all brown and green and knotted into diamonds. As Brooke and Vanessa continued to walk down the path, the ceiling gave way to a domed sky above the stage, painted trellises and realistic illustrations of flowering bushes and half-bare trees stretching up to meet the clouds and far-off mountain scene just above the blue curtains that separated the audience from the performers. Even as the two queens took their seats, Vanessa was unable to look away, eyes continuing to go over the room, soaking it all in.

“Okay, this is _definitely_ the best thing you’ve shown me.” Vanessa tore her eyes, wide as dinner-plates, away from the balconies long enough to stare at Brooke in awe and gratefulness. Brooke smiled widely and leaned over to give Vanessa a quick kiss, grabbing her hand gently.

The day had been no less than perfect, if Brooke did say so herself. They’d woken up late and lazy, the mid-morning sun warming their sheets, and gotten up slowly, enjoying breakfast together while watching _Full House_ , which Vanessa had somehow never seen before but had completely loved, not only because of Uncle Jesse’s bad-boy hair. They had gotten out of the apartment just before noon, and headed immediately down to Chinatown, where they feasted on soup dumplings and sixty-cent pineapple buns almost as big as their faces while soaking in the unlit lantern-patterned fairy-lights, sun-paled signs advertising bubble tea and hair styling from dusty storefront windows, and the uneven sidewalks that were so crowded they had to jump out of the way a few times to avoid getting steamrolled by groups of chatting grannies and slow-walking old men with their hands behind their backs, collars undone against the mid-day heat. They’d even had an early dinner at Swiss Chalet, Brooke excitedly talking Vanessa’s ear off about trying the quarter chicken dinner and swiping extra dips of chalet sauce from Vanessa’s bowl when she thought she didn’t notice. Of course, Vanessa did, and they wound up smuggling home about three extra containers that Vanessa sweet-talked the cute waiter into giving them for free.

Now, they were sitting in the Wintergarden in full drag, about to watch the Ballets Trockadero give a one-night-only performance of _Swan Lake._ It was exciting, to Brooke—she wondered if, sitting in her evening gown and lipstick, painting the way she used to for the stage, anyone would recognize her. She’d lost touch with many of the dancers in the troupe; others, she knew had moved on. She wondered how many were left that would dance for her tonight.

“Oh, yeah,” Vanessa, seeming to think the same thing, suddenly tore her eyes back away from the scenery, turning down and fumbling in her lap for her program, “You gotta show me all the dudes you used to dance with.”

And so Brooke did, pointing out each dancer and pausing for Vanessa’s commentary on who was hot, who looked like a grandpa, and all sorts of other speculations until the lights went down and the show began.

 

“I still don’t get why we couldn’t just take an Uber home, or walk.” Vanessa pouted as she and Brooke stepped onto the subway train, immediately pivoting into two window-seats before a group of teenagers got the chance. Brooke shrugged.

“You’ll see.”

They sat for a moment until Vanessa looked at the map overhead and noticed the stations blinking, indicating that they were going in the opposite direction of where she was expecting. “Uh, Brock? I think we got on the wrong—”

But Brooke just shook her head, bringing a finger up to Vanessa’s lips. “You’ll see.” she winked. Vanessa seemed apprehensive, but stayed quiet, her hand in Brooke’s, until an automated voice announced that they were at Queen’s Park Station.

“This is us.” Brooke grinned and pulled Vanessa up and out of the train, her heart pounding with excitement. This was it. Of all the places Brooke had taken Vanessa to, this was the one she was most nervous about—and not just because of what she was about to say when they got there. It wasn’t a typical place, or even really a place at all—but to Brooke, it was incredibly special, and she was bursting with anxiety and hope that Vanessa would see why.

“University of Toronto?” Vanessa frowned as Brooke pulled her onto the stairs up to the surface, past a sign advertising what was above. “Baby, it’s late, can’t we tour tomo—”

“Stop talking,” Brooke smiled softly at Vanessa as they reached the top step, “And turn around.”

Hospital row was so named because the stretch of University Avenue, right on the corner of the University of Toronto campus, boasted no less than five major hospitals, punctuated with tall office buildings all in glass and even a couple of medical school buildings. Now, laid out across the street in front of Brooke and Vanessa, all of the buildings melted into one another, toned-down lights drawing your eyes to the empty chairs, quiet hallways, and liminal spaces of business as usual being put on hold for the night. Signs for different hospitals glowed blue and white and yellow atop the tallest buildings, their brick facades obscured such that it seemed their names were hanging from the sky alone. Towards the edge of their vantage-point, a glowing neon rainbow and train lit up the front doors of a children’s hospital across the street from another hospital that boasted a rainbow Star of David over the ramp that led inside.

“I know it seems kind of weird,” Brooke cast a nervous glance at Vanessa, suddenly feeling her cheeks flush with embarrassment at her own tastes, “But this is probably my favourite view in Toronto.” she shifted back and forth on her feet, wondering what Vanessa was thinking, if she would reject Brooke’s idea of a beautiful spot.

But the small gasp Vanessa let out was all the validation Brooke needed.

“I used to come here sometimes after sunset when I was feeling like shit and just sit and stare. Sometimes I’d think about what it would feel like to watch the street from inside one of those buildings, maybe on the like 8th floor or something. Just so I could see everything a little differently.” Brooke smiled, nostalgia inflating like a balloon in her chest, the knowledge that she was finally sharing this with Vanessa making her whole body feel buoyant and warm. “It always made me feel better.”

Silence settled between them, both of them settling in. Then, a break in the mood.

“I love you.”

Brooke looked at Vanessa in shock, resisting the urge to double-take and make sure that the other queen had been talking to _her._

“Wh—What?” she hated how the halting stutter came out of her mouth, but she needed to hear it again, needed to have another confirmation to believe it.

“Jesus fuck, you think you’re the only one who feels vulnerable sometimes?” Vanessa looked at Brooke, her voice quiet but eyes intent as she repeated, “I love you, Brock. I have for a while. And I thought you were workin’ up to tell me the same, so I was waiting, but… I can’t wait any more. I love every part of you. I love how you brought me here and showed me all these little things that you used to do. I love how passionate you are about your city and about what you do. I even love how you hold back sometimes, ‘cause even though you drive me crazy, I know it’s ‘cause you want to wait until the moment’s absolutely right. And I love all your little quirks, like how you practically drink that gravy stuff, and how you love lookin’ at hospital windows at night. ‘Cause those things mean more to me than any words. Those things are _you._ And I don’t think I can go another second without tellin’ you how I feel about you.”

Tears peaked at the corners of Brooke’s eyes, threatening to spill over with the wave of relief and happiness that was currently washing over her. “Would you believe me if I said that’s the reason I brought you here?”

Vanessa smiled warmly, reaching up a hand to brush Brooke’s cheek before wrapping her in a hug, burying her face in her chest with a satisfied sigh.

“All that angst and buildup, and we’re both thinking the same thing, huh?” Brooke felt the soft vibrations of Vanessa’s laughter against her chest, disbelieving giggles mixed with warm, gentle breath.

Standing there, clutching Vanessa, holding her close, for the first time since they’d come to Toronto, Brooke was absolutely sure of herself. Leaning down, she scooped up Vanessa’s chin, looking straight into her eyes, and closed the distance between them with a kiss.

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's really weird, but looking at hospital row at night actually really is one of my favourite views. I go to school (read: practically live) in one of the buildings there, so I often get to see the views at night and it always takes my breath away. What can I say? I have a thing for liminal space.
> 
> Also the IG story of Brooke drinking chalet sauce gave me life.
> 
> Hope y'all enjoyed, see you in the next (and final!) chapter!


	7. Epilogue: Lucky to be Coming Home Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brooke introduces Vanessa to a very special person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title taken from "Lucky" by Jason Mraz bc I'm basic like that.

“Babe, relax. You look fine.” Brooke grabbed Vanessa’s hand, which had been busy smoothing down the invisible wrinkles on the front of his shirt.

“You sure?” Vanessa looked at her with nerves in her eyes, squeezing Brooke’s hand hard. Without thinking, Vanessa ran her other hand through her hair, a nervous habit Brooke found absolutely endearing.

“Yes, I’m sure,” Brooke leaned down and kissed her hairline, “Although you might want to stop chewing your lip so much. Bite marks aren’t a cute look for meeting the parents.” she punctuated this last part with a sly wink, and Vanessa laughed a little as she let the bottom half of her mouth loose from her teeth.

“Sorry, girl,” Vanessa sighed as they walked up the sloping driveway to the Hayhoe house, “Man. You got me all fucked up. I just really want your mom to like me.”

The admission of nerves almost broke Brooke’s heart, although the irony of her usually courageous, act-before-you-think boyfriend being the one to worry while she was completely calm for once wasn’t lost on her. Asking Vanessa to meet her mother was probably the easiest decision she’d ever made, and she knew her mother was just as excited from their conversation on the phone the night before. _Finally, a man’s good enough for my boy!_

 _You have no idea_ , Brooke had promised. It was no question; her mom was going to love her loud-mouth, babbling-mess, loyal, protective, and endearing nerd of a boyfriend.

“Don’t worry.” Brooke stopped when they reached the front steps, turning to Vanessa and running a confident hand over the downy, half-grown out stubble on the shaved side of Vanessa’s head, “She’s going to love you.”

Vanessa smiled and leaned into Brooke’s soft touch, breathing out any last bit of nervous energy still lingering. Brooke smiled inwardly; it was amazing how quickly Vanessa trusted her, but she supposed that was one of the things Brooke loved most about her. Vanessa taught her how to let go, taught her that sometimes, just letting yourself fall into someone else would take you farther than your own guards ever would.

“Alright!” Vanessa’s transformation was instant, her voice getting loud again as she hyped herself up, “Let’s get these Mama Toes cookies!”

Brooke laughed and led Vanessa up the steps to the front door.

“Mom!” Brooke launched forward to give the woman who answered their knocks a big, tight hug.

“This is my boyfriend, Jose.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to take a moment to say thank you to everyone for your kudos, compliments, and interest in this fic. The response to this has been absolutely surreal, and I'm so happy you all enjoyed it. You've all made it so much fun and such a wonderful experience to get back into writing! I'm really glad to have found such a supportive fandom/shipping community <3
> 
> P.s. I'm about to start working on a new Branjie project, but I'm also open for prompts ;) just drop them in the comments, or message me @momsthetic on tumblr!


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